6 Things Humans Do That Cats Hate

Ugh, humans. They can be annoying sometimes.They do (or don’t do) some stuff that cats really don’t like. So that we can live in peace and harmony, I’ve decided to put together the top 6 things humans do that they need to fix. And quick.

#1 They Think That They Need To Give Us a Bath

Cats hate getting wet. What part of that is hard to understand? We’re already doing a great job cleaning ourselves. In fact, we spend as much as half of our waking hours grooming ourselves. And humans shower for just about half an hour at most, right? Soaking myself in water is really unthinkable. Just stop with this. Let us handle the cleaning and you worry about making sure we have food in our bowls. And none of that silly dry kibble stuff.

#2 They Don’t Clean The Litter Box

We hate stinky litter boxes. And please, don’t put our water and food bowls near the litter box. It’s just gross! Come to think of it, would you like to eat your dinner beside a toilet bowl? Didn’t think so. And we would help with the process but you should already know that cleaning a litter box is so below us!

#3 Making Loud Noises

Our ears are very sensitive to sound. Which is why things like fireworks, loud parties, and honking car horns scare the hell out of us. Even just a sneeze is enough to spook us. This isn’t because we aren’t tough. We’re just sensitive. And always alert. You know, to make sure you aren’t in any danger. Yeah, we’re doing it for you.

#4 Insisting On Giving Us Medicine

Ever wondered why it takes a lot of effort to make cats take medicines? It’s because their taste is unacceptable. So please bear with us if we are not being enthusiastic about taking that nasty pill you want us to take. Here’s an idea? Mix it with tuna! In fact, why don’t you just go give your cat some tuna!

#5 Aggressive Petting

When you pet a cat aggressively, don’t be surprised when you get bitten, clawed, and hissed at. It happens when we’re overstimulated because of your petting—and we just hate that. Take it easy and be gentle.

#6 Surprising a sleeping cat

Maybe it’s funny to you, humans. But surprising us while we’re sleeping is just rude. We need our 16 hours of sleep in a day, you know. The last thing we welcome is a sleep disruption from an insensitive human. However, make sure you’re awake and ready for us to play at 3am. You need to adjust to your schedule and not the other way around.

There are more disdainful things that humans do to cats, but these are my top six. I’m going to take a nap and maybe when I get up I will put together the rest.

Words of Wisdom from The Mighty Mack

Ever wondered why we do the things we do? Because cats live in the moment. If we want to eat, we eat. If we want to nap, we nap. If we fit in the box, we sit. We don’t overthink about what we should be doing right now.

Dear Hooman, I Want You to Know That…

I love you—but I love me more. You do not own me. I OWN YOU. K. Thanks.Bye!

The Mighty Mack’s Guide to Proper Cat Petting: Do Your Job Right!

The curious thing about humans is that they touch cats anyway they like, but then they complain about getting scratched after trying to rub our precious belly.

So that you can have your cat cuddling sessions unscathed and in peace, keep in mind what parts of a cat’s body can be petted and which ones are off-limits.

Cheeks behind the whiskers: Sure!

Why not? We enjoy being petted there. Rubbing those areas makes us release our scent onto you. Don’t you just love it? It means we can be the best buds! Or maybe not.

Base of the chin: Sure!

This part also releases our scent when rubbed. So go for it! Rub gently along our chin’s underside, particularly the spot between the skull and the jawbone. If we turn our head upward while you’re doing it, that means we’re pleased—and you must continue doing that.

Base of the ears: Yes, please!

Go ahead—scratch it. We won’t protest.

Base of the tail: OMG yes!

We love it when humans put gentle pressure at the base of our tail. It’s our happy spot. We couldn’t help purring!

Back: Go for it!

A gentle stroke on the back is always welcome.

Tummy: Stop—just stop.

The belly is the most sacred part of our body. It’s the part we protect against predators who are out to attack us. Stroking it is a no-no. When we expose our bellies during a rubbing session, don’t take it as a sign that we’re allowing you to touch it. If you don’t want our claws to come out and our fangs to bite you, just back off, please. Hands off our tummy!

Legs, paws, and whiskers: Nope!

These parts have sensitive touch receptors, so we don’t like it when they’re touched.

We are cats, not stuffed toys. It can be stressful for us if you pet us the wrong way. So please handle us with care, okay?

Gift Appreciation 101

This morning, I proudly presented a bloody mouse to my human. But after all that hard work and careful planning, all I got was a horrified expression and a shriek? Seriously?!I am disappointed. Wouldn’t you at least be impressed?

I still love you, though. More bounties later! Maybe you would prefer a grasshopper!

I mean sometimes, it feels like we don’t even speak the same language! Like the time your were petting sitting a puppy for your friend and I peed on your bed. That was just my friendly way of telling you and that puppy to get out. Immediately. Or else. No one pulls my tail…especially not with their mouth! But anyways, it was just a friendly reminder.

So I thought maybe you just don’t know what to do when we give you such an excellent gift. Here’s a quick guide for all you new cat staff.

#1 Act Surprised and Impressed

Let’s agree that you will be surprised at our exceptional prowess. We both know that you know we can hunt mice and bugs. But we just don’t do it very often. We get it. We sleep a lot. But we want you to act suprised and impressed! I’m pretty sure many of your have the surprised part down. You weren’t expecting that dead mouse in your bed, we know that. But the part you’re often missing is the impressed piece. A simple and thoughtful head nod would go a long way in these scenarios.

#2 Put Our Gift Somewhere Special

What’s the worse thing you can do with a gift? Throw it out! And what do you do the majority of the time with our special feline gifts? You throw them out! How could you!? We would like you to put our special gift somewhere safe. You know, that same spot you keep your memorabilia from your ex-boyfriend.

#3 Reward Our Gift

Too many cats are immediately thrown outside or scolded after bringing you a perfectly good dead mouse or similar gift. Don’t punish your cat for loving you! Why would you do that! If you give us a gift of tuna, what do we do with it? We eat it!

Perhaps you could try the same for the gift we worked so hard for.